Leslie Kaplan - Les outils

All my life I have been a woman

all my life I’ve been a woman
a woman
all my life
does that sentence seem
odd to me
sometimes it seems odd to me
all my life
I’ve been
a woman

how can you talk that way
all your life you’ve been a woman
how can you say that

I’m saying it, that’s all

but you don’t realize
how can you say that

it’s not sure I’m saying it calmly

you’re saying it
if not you’d be climbing up a wall

a wall ?

yes a wall
you can’t say that
« all my life I’ve been a woman »

I can’t say it ? I can’t say it ?
I’m saying it
all my life I’ve been a woman
I’m saying it

if you say it
if you say it

O.K., then if I say it

if you say it
nobody will understand you

it’s impossible to understand ?

I said One cannot understand you

I don’t understand

what don’t you understand

what you are saying
I don’t understand what you are saying

I think you don’t understand

I don’t understand myself
all my life I’ve been a woman
what a huge sentence

huge ?
huge ?
what do you mean, huge ?

that sentence has such potential
so many possibilities
that sentence includes
I’m saying : includes
so many other sentences

a blender
liberates a woman

oh no
not that

yes yes yes
a blender
liberates a woman

I’m saying all my life I’ve been a woman
that sentence is huge
and you
your answer is
a blender

a blender
that’s right
a blender

I’m leaving
you’re too limited

leaving me ?
why ?

I’m leaving you
you’re too limited
I am in front of a huge sentence
all my life I’ve been a woman

I just wanted to talk to you about blenders


don’t you think household items
are important ?

I’m in front of that sentence
all my life I’ve been a woman
I’m in front of it
got it ?
in front ?

aren’t you interested
in carrot scrapers ?
carrot scrapers
have changed my life

have they changed your life
or have they changed life ?

they have changed my life
the vegetables are perfectly scraped
I save money
I save time

I’m talking about a huge
in front of which I am
all my life I’ve been a woman

all the little vegetables are respected in their diversity
egg plants
all those little veggies

you’re the vegetable

the blender also changed my life
a simple purée is much more
than just a simple purée

you’re really limited

to blend
to crunch
to cut
to slice
to press
and juices
ah juices

what about juices

they are infinite

you are trivial
I talk to you about a huge sentence
all my life I’ve been a woman
and you answer with the infinity
of juices

ah strawberries
citrus fruits

all my life I’ve been a woman
that’s something else for infinity
that’s something else

and soups

what about soups

broth and soup
soup and broth
in the singular
in the plural
infinite liquid
liquid infinite
the liquid penetrates you
fills you up
flows into your intestines
flows in your veins
becomes your blood
your identity
tell me which soup you eat
and I’ll tell you who you are
it warms you up
that soup
it cools you too
cucumber soup
eat your soup
I’m enthusiastic
soup is total

is it sexual ?

of course it’s sexual
it’s total
it’s sexual
proof being
when you don’t like soup
you’ve got a problem
who says problem
says sex
all problems
are sexual
at bottom

masturbation is sexual

or mastication ?

is sexual
mastication as well
to go in
to go out
to go up
to go down
to run
to stop
to pant
to dream
to dream is totally sexual
when you say, I’m dreaming
or : Pinch me, I’m dreaming
everything is sexual
even masturbation
is sexual
it’s totally sexual
to pinch
to shake
to tickle
to hit
to tremble
to shiver
to die


Louise, she is crazy

(translated by Amelia Parenteau)

there are those days when everything seems flat
a puddle

everybody feels that

I don’t care about everybody
I’m talking about myself
there are those days
when I feel so insignificant
nearly nothing

everybody feels that

I don’t care about everybody
I’m talking about myself
for me, there are those days
where I say to myself, the proof
that a women doesn’t amount to much
is that God isn’t married

what do you mean ? what do you mean ?

the proof that a women doesn’t amount to much
is that God isn’t married

you are really depressed

of course I’m depressed
how can you not be depressed
is God married
yes or no ?

maybe He’s married
maybe He’s not married
God does what He wants<

if God were married everybody would know about it
God is not married

He isn’t ?<br/>

God is self-reliant

if you get married
you aren’t self-reliant ?
I don’t see God as single

you don’t ?
if you get married, you depend on someone
God doesn’t depend on anyone

God is love

of course
God is love

God is love
He depends on those He loves

on those He loves
or on those who love Him ?

on those who love Him
and on those He loves
God needs us

He needs us ?
He is all-powerful
He doesn’t need anybody

God is all-powerful
but He isn’t crazy

God isn’t crazy ?
maybe He’s crazy
maybe He’s not crazy
God does what He wants

do you give Him
a capital H ?

of course
I give Him
a capital H

God isn’t crazy
God speaks to me

He speaks to you ? He speaks to you ?
sure He does

God does speak to me
I hear Him

what do you hear ?
in what language does He speak to you ?

He speaks to me in a very beautiful language
with exquisite words

exquisite words ? exquisite words ?
you make me laugh
you give me a good laugh
in what language does He speak to you ?

a better language than yours, in any case

God speaks Latin
everybody knows that

He speaks to me
He speaks to me specifically
He says, My little chicken, My chickie


Move the sky

I am in love but I prefer breaking our relationship
That way he’s not the one who leaves

I prefer staying with some one I don’t love
That way I don’t suffer if he goes away

I prefer living with someone I despise
That way I’m not afraid he doesn’t love me

I prefer ruining my life
That way I don’t regret anything

I prefer fretting my heart out
That way I accuse no one

I prefer saying nothing
That way I stay with my longing

I prefer failing
That way I don’t make anyone jealous

I prefer looking awful
That way I have my revenge

I prefer being ugly
That way my mother hates me

I prefer being stupid
That way I disappoint

I prefer making mistakes
That way I reassure every one

I prefer being stupid
That way, it’s over, I’m stupid

I prefer living with a sick person
That way I know I’m in good health

I prefer working with fools
That way you can see where the ideas come from

I prefer hiding
That way nobody can find me

I prefer breaking every thing
that way there is nothing left

I prefer living on nothing
that way I keep every thing

I prefer giving orders
That way I am sure I am free

I prefer hurting
That way I can see hate in the other

I prefer humiliating
That way I am the queen

I prefer destroying the other
That way I am safe

I prefer nothing goes on
That way I’m not afraid something will happen


people always say monkeys look like human beings
I think it’s silly

yes but

what, frankly

that little monkey
he is the exact copy of my brother

you exaggerate

not at all
I don’t exaggerate at all

how can you say that
a monkey is a monkey
O.K., he’s cute
but nevertheless, he’s a monkey

do you see his ears ?

how could I not see them ?
that’s all you can see

well, my brother has the same

the same ?

the same ears
I’m telling you
r/> it’s not because you think
I’m saying because you think
they have the same ears
that there is a real likeness
a true likeness
a deep likeness

the face is the same, too
all creased, crumpled, worn
when my brother was a baby
my mother left him with me all the time
I was so annoyed

he was all creased ?

yes all creased
all crumpled
he looked like a little old guy
the monkey looks just like that

no, it’s not the same thing
we are human beings
absolutely not the same thing

that might not be true

of course it’s true
you can’t compare

every body compares

to compare is not scientific
a monkey is limited, a limited being

limited ? limited ?
you make me laugh
have you seen Nenette
the way she wipes the widow
crr crr crr
she takes a Kleenex, she wipes the window
crr crr crr
and that little monkey
look at him
look how delicate he is
how graceful
he plays
he hides

you ‘re talking rubbish
you say “he plays”, “he hides”
you are projecting, projecting

I am not projecting
I am watching
He is very concentrated
he plays he hides
he wants to find out
he explores
his forehead is all creased from paying attention

he has creases, his skin is creased, that’s all
you know there are nations
and not just any
the great Chinese nation for example
who eat monkeys

that’s disgusting

why disgusting ?
they are animals

it’s disgusting
it’s as if you were eating
I don’t know
it’s as if you were eating
an ancestor

an ancestor ?
an ancestor ?

do we go back to monkeys, yes or no
you are not going to repudiate Darwin, evolution
science, progress
I will never eat a monkey

don’t say a monkey
you should say : eat some monkey
use a partitive, a partitive preposition
some cake, some pie
it’s not a personal problem
between you and the monkey

look, a monkey is too near
you cant’ t eat it

you have to eat it
it’s obvious
you have to
you have to eat monkey

otherwise ?

otherwise you are going to mix every thing up
you are going to lose your marks

we are in times of confusion
where marks…
where marks….

where marks ?

marks are unsteady
they disappear
nobody knows where they stand

in any case
a monkey is a monkey

have you seen his hands ?

of course I’ve seen his hands

he has a thumb

yes, it’s true
he has a thumb

and his feet

what about his feet

you’re not going to call them paws
paws are coarse

O.K, OK. They look like feet

so ?

so what ?

come on, doesn’t it make you feel nervous ?
dizzy ?
do you see a difference ?

I see little difference
very little difference
that’s why you have to eat him

extracts read with Amelia Parenteau at the New School for social research in New York, on November 5th 2013,

©Leslie Kaplan, mis en ligne le vendredi 10 janvier 2014